I have ME! On the brain.....

If you are related to, married to, or divorced from a narcissist, then you know how difficult it is reason with them.

Narcissists are masters at manipulation. They are often intelligent and charming when you first meet them. In the beginning, you hold them to such high esteem (of course to which they are fully aware) and they love to bask in your adulation.

But once you catch on to their tactics, and question behavior that is opposite of their once-charming selves, they become deeply threatened. They will then paint themselves as a victim and you as their aggressor, and expertly blame you for the relationship's demise, and all other misfortunes in their life.

And you, as the codependent, try to reason with him, change his mind, or challenge every verbal assault point-by-point in hopes that he snaps out of his irrational behavior.

Maybe this time he will understand, you think.

If I explain it to him this way, he will get it. He can't be THAT close-minded, I'm going to tell him once more.

But the more you explain, the colder and more manipulative he becomes. He may talk to you like a child, as if you're stupid. And you can't even believe how a person can lack such empathy, so you explain more, trying harder and harder to make him "get it" -- and the more you do that, the more it supplies his narcissistic fantasies that he is better and smarter than anyone.

The constant attempts to explain or get some kind of emotional response with no return is what I call the Narcissistic Vortex -- it's a deep, black hole that sucks you in, with no way out. And until you understand this, you are going to think you're crazy, unloved, or worse, that you aren't worthy of anyone else's love so you end up staying with this person or being alone forever.

If you are not married and trying to end a relationship with a Narcissist, then the expert advice is to have no contact with him. You end the relationship cold-turkey, as if giving up a very bad addiction.

But what if you are divorcing a narcissist, or you must endure a co-parenting relationship long term -- how do you manage the constant manipulation even as you try to get on with your life? He might blame you for the smallest mistakes (thereby raising his own false self-worth), or he criticizes you for everything you do with the kids. And because he is SO falsely mistaken, you write him a long email, explaining your actions, or you become ensued in a long texting battle.

And thus, you enter the Narcissistic Vortex.

You must remember, this vortex is a trap. By replying to him (no matter how negative), it feeds his narcissistic supply -- a.k.a, his false sense of self that he is better than you (or anyone else for that matter).

So if the manipulation happens via email, for example, you must first ask yourself: does it require a reply? Are there any crucial issues that really require your response, like financial matters during divorce or logistics with the children?

Unfortunately with Narcissists, they can never write an email without making themselves look a victim/martyr, or passive aggressively knocking your ability to function as an adult. The true secret to engaging with a narcissist is little to no response. Reply with "yes" or "no" answers, or merely factual replies like, "yes, I am picking kids up at 5:00 p.m. today." Ignore all other stabs or attempts of getting a heated reaction from you.

If your narcissist wants to talk with you over the phone about certain matters, let him ask you questions for which a yes or no answer is required. If the conversation results in accusations or manipulation, quite simply say to him, "If you have anything to discuss with me, please put it in email." And then hang up.

You will never change his mind. You will never get him to see your side of things. As long as you attempt to do so, you will forever be stuck in his vortex and unable to move on.

Learning how to deal with a narcissist can't be accomplished by reading just this one blog. It takes skill, practice, reading books on the subject and perhaps coaching or therapy. Whatever you do, don't try to learn this alone.

L. Pitts 

100 Days of HAPPY! Nirvana the first 25 days

nir·va·na

noun, often capitalized \nir-ˈvä-nə, (ˌ)nər-\

: the state of perfect happiness and peace in Buddhism where there is release from all forms of suffering

: a state or place of great happiness and peace

 

It would be easy to write about the ultimate dosage of happiness and implicate every detail of my journey so far as nothing less than roses and rainbows. But I won’t. Throughout the past 25 days if there is one life lesson I have learned to embrace is that of utter honesty. When I began my journey on July 18^th I adopted a theory that if I remained open to new ideas and spoke my inner truths to others without reservation I would find a greater level of happiness. In studying Buddhist texts and reading “We Are the Ones We Have Been Waiting For” by Alice Walker I indicated that a release of burden is the truest form of happiness- nirvana.

 

Though happiness isn’t a permanent feeling, it still holds such a strong influence on who you are for even a moment. A smile at the little girl hanging from the grocery cart ahead of you, a giggle at the cutest guy you’ve ever seen tripping over his feet to take a glance at you, or even a stomach cramping laugh with your brothers about that one time, that one summer, long ago. My level of happiness began the very first day I began the 100 Happy Days challenge. In the moment I submitted my short form I knew this experience would make me discover things I never knew about myself and ways to improve my demeanor in the most undesired situations.  

 

I observed my friends and family, viewing them with a fresh perspective and seeing a beauty in them I had never paid much attention to. I’ve become more attentive and curious about why things happen the way they do, even how they can be changed or avoided. I didn’t take the challenge to stay the same, I took it to discover my happiness. In order to do that I have to explore every other feeling and emotion I have to offer as well. Remaining open to the elements of self awareness I have embraced happiness in a new way and willed myself to find the happiness in the sadness, a smile through the embarrassment, and the strength through my weakness.

Now don’t get me wrong my life is a ball of sunshine but this challenge has helped me to view life through more perspectives than one. It’s not just about happiness, if it was, this wouldn’t be different from any other day for me. So while you find your happy realize your sad, angry, funny, unwavering self as well. 

Peace, love, happiness, NIRVANA.

Lyrric Cosby Jackson

100 Days of Happy??????

HAPPY Defined:

Main Entry: hap·py 
Pronunciation: \ˈha-pē\
Function: adjective
Inflected Form(s): hap·pi·er; hap·pi·est
Etymology: Middle English, from hap
Date: 14th century

1 :  favored by luck or fortune :  fortunate <a happy coincidence> 2 :  notably fitting, effective, or well adapted :  felicitous <a happy choice> 3 a :  enjoying or characterized by well-being and contentment <is the happiest person I know> <a happy childhood> b :  expressing, reflecting, or suggestive of happiness <a happy ending> c :  glad, pleased <I'm happy to meet you> d :  having or marked by an atmosphere of good fellowship :  friendly <a happy office> 


The way we think and how we feel dictate the decisions we make every day. With every moment that passes we are constantly faced with a plethora of splendid situations and a series of sometimes unfortunate happenings that alter our state of thought and shift our feelings. Even though being happy relates to the short term it can lead to the long term emotional high know as JOY. 

For months I've observed several of my Instagram friends post photos with a comment: #100happydays. Finally I became intrigued. This mysterious hashtag has got to have reason behind it right? So I googled it. Yes I googled it. To my surprise this hashtag held a greater meaning and it caught my attention. With, and I quote, "71% of people tried to complete this challenge, but failed quoting lack of time as the main reason.These people simpy did not have time to be happy. Do you? " -100happydays.com

I took that "Do you?" As a challenge. Though I'm happy and I smile every chance I get, I think this is just the challenge to test my true temporary emotion: happiness. Beginning July 18, 2014 I will document my happiness via Instagram and post a new article every 25 days to the Bars and Warfare Blog. Will this work...will  I realize some amazing truth about myself, NO IDEA, but I hope you stick around to read about my journey. This could get wild. 

If you'd like more information about getting happy yourself go towww.100happydays.com and take a dive. You may discover a new you and a new sort of happy. 

Peace and love,
-Lyrric Cosby Jackson 

Is the Temptation worth it?

Suspect in Leschi double homicide charged with murder!

Ali Muhammad Brown, accused of shooting two men at close range in Leschi a month ago, has been charged with two counts of aggravated first-degree murder.

Brown’s whereabouts are unknown. Police in New Jersey say he may be responsible for a robbery in that state last weekend.

The charges filed Tuesday offer new details into the slayings of Dwone Anderson-Young, 23, and Ahmed Said, 27, on June 1, but they do not explain a motive for the slayings.

Police said Anderson-Young and Said were hanging out at RPlace, a gay Capitol Hill nightclub, on May 31 and met up with a man identified as a friend of Said’s outside the club. One of Anderson-Young’s friends, who saw the stranger, told police that he was “creeped out” by Said’s friend and declined Said’s offer of a ride home, police wrote in charging documents.

Another friend of Anderson-Young said Said “continually talked about meeting someone outside the club later.” The friend told police that at the club that night, Said appeared to be texting over Jack’d or Grindr, two gay social networking sites, charges said.

After taking a look at the stranger, that friend also declined Said’s offer for a ride home, charges said.

Police say Brown, Said and Anderson-Young drove to Anderson-Young’s house, where Brown pulled a gun and killed the two men then drove off in Said’s car. It was later found abandoned in South Seattle.

Police said they linked Brown to the slayings after finding his fingerprints and three spent 9mm shell casings inside Said’s car. The mother of Brown’s children told police that her 9mm semiautomatic handgun was missing; she said Brown had access to the gun, charges said.

Looking at a photo montage at Seattle police headquarters, one of Anderson-Young’s friends pointed out Brown as the man who drove away from Capitol Hill with the victims, charges said.

“The murders took place less than 17 minutes after two witnesses saw Ali Brown leave with the victims in Said’s car. There is no evidence to suggest that Said and/or Anderson-Young were armed, and these murders do not appear to be motivated by robbery, drugs or any other crime,” Seattle police Detective Cloyd Steiger wrote in charging documents.

Steiger added that it’s “evident that these murders were premeditated and unprovoked and part of a common scheme or plan.”

Seattle police said last week that a motive for the slayings is not known.

Anderson-Young’s mother said in an interview with The Times that her son was gay. When asked last month whether the shootings were being investigated as a possible hate crime, Assistant Police Chief Carmen Best said “nothing is off the table.”

Seattle police said Brown is also wanted on warrants for failure to register as a sex offender. In March 2012, Brown pleaded guilty to communication with a minor for immoral purposes and was sentenced to a year in jail.

Police in Point Pleasant Beach, N.J., say Brown was involved in a robbery in that city on Sunday and is wanted on a warrant.

- Will Barlow

What is the defining Mission of the Citizens of ChiRaQ

How can you celebrate in the 4th of July in Chicago AKA Chiraq?

The July 4th weekend is always filled with the loud booms of fireworks. But in Chicago, residents are far more likely to hear the bangs of gunfire.

More than 60 people were shot in the Windy City over the long holiday weekend, leaving at least nine people dead, ABC7 Chicago reported.

The bloody weekend began around 2:30 a.m. Friday when a 34-year-old man was fatally shot in a drive-by. From there, the violence intensified.

A teenager was shot in his car.

A woman in her 60s was grazed in the head by a stray bullet while standing on her front porch.

A man was struck by a falling bullet.

A teen was standing on the sidewalk when her ex-boyfriend allegedly walked up and shot her in the legs.

A man sitting in his car was killed when a gunman fired shots into the vehicle. A woman who was also sitting inside was injured by glass.

Two people were killed and another three wounded in police-involved shootings.

The shootings were so numerous this weekend that the Chicago Tribune ended up publishing a roundup of attacks, focusing on just a four-hour period Sunday afternoon.

Tribune staff has been diligently following Chicagoland's shootings, mapping the incidents and listing the most recent victims by date, gender, age and location.

Since Jan. 1, more than 1,100 people have been shot in Chicago.

Two years ago, when the city's murder rate topped 500, authorities launched a campaign to turn the tide of this violent trend. According to ABC World News, hundreds of police officers have been dispatched to patrol dangerous neighborhoods and authorities have been working with community leaders to stem some of the gang activity.

In 2013, this effort appeared to be working as homicides dropped to 415. But that rate was still higher than those of many major American cities, including New York City, which recorded less than 350 murders that same year.

Police spokesman Martin Maloney told the Chicago Sun-Times that since Jan. 1, Chicago has had its lowest homicide rate since 1963. And the toll from violence over the July 4th holiday weekend was actually lower than last year when 12 men were killed and at least 60 others wounded, NBC Chicago reported.

However, police also noted an 8 percent increase in shooting victims through the first six months of the year compared with the same period in 2013.

To those Chicagoans affected by shootings, the city has not done enough.

"We're celebrating independence, but we feel like we're in prison," Father Michael Pfleger of St. Sabina Catholic Church told ABC7. "It's unacceptable. We wouldn't accept it in Iraq, we shouldn't accept it in Chicago."

Aimé Grisham

Obama Shines Light on Immigration during Citizenship Ceremony

President Barack Obama plans to highlight a positive side of the immigration debate by presiding over an Independence Day citizenship ceremony for service members who signed up to defend the U.S. even though they weren't American citizens.

A total of 25 members of the Armed Forces will spend the Fourth of July as American citizens after the deputy secretary for homeland security delivers the oath of allegiance at a White House ceremony on Friday.

The group includes 15 active-duty service members from the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines, along with two veterans, one reservist and seven spouses, the White House said. They represent 15 countries.

The politically divisive immigration issue is earning renewed attention after the influx of tens of thousands of unaccompanied children from Central America who, under U.S. law, must be sent back across the border to their home countries. That has upset advocates of overhauling U.S. immigration policy who want Obama to allow the children to stay.

At the same time, Obama blames House Republicans for delaying action on an immigration overhaul. A comprehensive measure the Senate passed last year has been blocked by House leaders who also have done little to advance legislative proposals of their own.

Obama announced earlier this week that, as a result of lawmakers' inaction, he will pursue non-legislative ways that he can adjust U.S. immigration policy without waiting for Congress to act.

Obama and his wife, Michelle, spend the Fourth of July with service members they invite to the White House for an all-American barbecue on the South Lawn and choice seating for the fireworks on the National Mall. Obama said some of the service members who will be at the White House on Friday are unique.

"They signed up to serve, to sacrifice, potentially to give their lives for the security of this country even though they weren't yet Americans. That's how much they love this country," Obama said in announcing the ceremony earlier this week. "They were prepared to fight and die for an America they did not yet fully belong to. I think they've earned their stripes in more ways than one."

He said it is worth celebrating that the U.S. is "a nation of immigrants."

"We won this country's freedom together. We built this country together. We defended this country together," he said. "It makes us special. It makes us strong. It makes us Americans. That's worth celebrating. And that's what I want not just House Republicans, but all of us, as Americans to remember."

Obama participated in naturalization ceremonies at the White House in 2009, 2010, 2012 and last year.

Friday's ceremony will also recognize internationally known celebrity chef Jose Andres for outstanding achievements by a naturalized U.S. citizen. Andres, who is 44 and was born in Spain, became a citizen last November and also will mark his first July Fourth as a citizen.

Andres serves on the boards of the DC Central Kitchen and the L.A. Kitchen, in addition to international philanthropic work carried out through his World Central Kitchen. Andres runs restaurants in California, Nevada, Florida, Puerto Rico and Washington, D.C. He has prepared meals for White House and other Obama administration events, and Obama and the first lady have gone out to dinner at some of his Andres' restaurants in Washington. Andres also contributed financially to both of Obama's presidential campaigns.

Darren Cords

Mentor Speaks

Ushers Says......

 Pop star Usher addresses the racial controversy surrounding his protégé Justin Bieber, the R&B singer has made another public statement regarding the videos that have emerged of the young star making racist jokes. Speaking to People magazine, Usher once again stated that he supports Bieber and believes that these videos, which are a few years old, do not represent who Justin is now.

“At my core, I am a person that supports growth and understands without judgement, that growth often comes as a result of pain and continuous effort,” Usher writes to the magazine. “As I have watched Justin Bieber navigate difficult waters as a young man, I can tell you that he hasn’t always chosen the path of his greatest potential, but he is unequivocally not a racist.”

Usher’s full interview has not been published by People, but in the released portion, he also emphasizes Bieber’s immaturity at the time of the recordings.

“What he was 5 years ago was a naive child who did not understand the negative power and degradation that comes from playing with racial slurs,” Usher says. “What he is now is a young man faced with an opportunity to become his best self, an example to the millions of kids that follow him to not make the same mistakes.”

-Will T Barlow