10 Tips for Men: How to Date Black American Women
Worldly Black American women seem to find it extremely challenging to find a worthy mate, companion, or life partner. Even when they do meet a suitable person of interest many times because of his emotional or past challenges, we (the men) take ourselves out of the game. One of the things I hear the most from women is, "I'm not going to raise a grown man." So while he seems suitable in some regards his ability to not handle his own business properly (whatever that may be) becomes a turnoff. Once she feels like she's starting to settle or lower her standards in the relationship or dating phase her guard goes up and the distance begins.
Fellas, if you have found the woman of your dreams do everything in your power to work on yourself! Not for her, but for her! Let me explain; Don't do it to impress her but do it to be a better man for her! As hard as it is for a woman to find a good man, it is equally as hard for a good man to find a good woman. So don't let your past issues or personal issues sabotage a good thing. God has given us the ability to grow and overcome any emotional, or physical challenge we face in this dating game!!!
1. Never portray yourself larger than what you really are:
The day of showing our representative must die! Show her from the door who you really are, and be honest about your intentions no matter what they my be. A Strong Black Woman (S.B.W.) will uncover it in a short amount of time anyway so be yourself. Have a purpose behind dating her! Let her know you have standards also...
2. Follow through:
Make sure everything you say and do in the presence or in the absence of a S.B.W. all looks and sounds the same. Consistency is our great strength when dealing with a S.B.W. everything we do, everything we say, everything we are, must all a line and point to the same place. You know they say news travels fast, so if you do something in public that gets back to her, it needs to be constant with the man she already knows you to be. The moment we have to explain some shit (sorry for cursing), her guard goes up!
3. Don't play victim:
OK, it's man up time, fellas. You know we like to throw a sob story or two to prick her heart a little because she comes across so tough!!! I've been guilty of this several times, OK and maybe its just me? Talking about past relationship issues is always a must when dating, but whining about past relationship issues is never a good look. How do you know if you're whining... just look at her face when you're telling the story. If she has that WTF face... change it up. Let her know you had that issue but you have done the work on yourself and today you no longer have that issues. Praise God! If you want to prick her emotions do from a position of strength.
4. Never assume:
Many times we men are so scared from past relationships that when we enter new ones we process and filter everything she does and says through a negative filter. If it looks like it, sounds like it, it must be! Letting go of the old is essential to build the new. If you ever have a question to what a S.B.W. is saying or need clarity, ask her. They have no problem clarifying any of their statements. Don't make the mistakes I've made and assume what she's saying to you through that negative lens from your past. Show her you have the ability to communicate and resolve issues without fighting or battling. Assuming only makes us look like an ass.
5. Vision:
If you know this is the woman you want and you are willing to step up and be... who she needs, not what she needs. Let her know you can see the future with her. Don't talk about marriage unless you mean it. Fellas you know it doesn't take us long to determine who we want to marry. #REALTALK. If you can see her in your future work towards dating, marriage, getting old with after a while... this is Grown Man Sh$%.
6. Express emotions:
I've learned the hard way S.B.W. will love you to death but they may not spare your feelings very much. We can take this as a negative or a positive? We can either say, "she kicking my ass" or "she is trying to get us to a place of clarity." In either case we don't feel good emotionally. The key is learning to express it clearly, staying on topic (without bringing up the past and throwing things in her face you never talked about), but most of all, understanding what she is saying from a position of love. This is a hard thing to swallow but if that S.B.W. loves you every intention comes from the heart which is a place of love it's not to hurt you! Initially it may hurt but knowing she's not trying to hurt you is the key to trust someone with your emotions.
7. Money:
Just be honest! Life has its ups and downs so the money you have today may be gone tomorrow. Impress her with you patience, character, and your ability to provide whatever is needed in any situation. The day of flossing is over, if you have to floss to get... leave that sh$% alone. We should always show we are workers, providers, and we will never leave them to do it alone! Be confident in what you make and your ability to grow, don't feel the need to sell her on a fantasy of one day we will. S.B.W. will watch you grow and be a man of your word one day at a time. 8. Admit when you're wrong:
Just say you're sorry, admit you're wrong, you overreacted... please just don't point the finger at her like it's her fault in any way, shape, or form. She will respect you making a mistake but she's gonna have a problem with you blaming her for something she has no knowledge of or didn't intentional do.
9. Freedom
S.B.W. need their freedom at times and we can be very needy at times which and cause friction. I've learned there's no love lost by falling back and giving her space, with her heart if it was meant for you it will be yours no matter where she is. This is where we must control our egos and imaginations because they both will get the best of us if we let them. Trust is the key but if we have trust issues we have to communicate them to resolve them. We cannot suppress them and think they'll be resolved. Giving her freedom allows her to refocus and be refreshed... she's not breaking up with you, creeping on you, ignoring you, or all of the other craziness our mind tells us. Breathe keep your mind occupied and remember what's for you will always be for you. Trying to control her will push her away even more.
10. Power Couples
Fellas, when we make the decision to be in a relationship with a S.B.W. that union on any level has the making of a Power Couple. It is our responsibility to provide growth and growth opportunities for the relationship to evolve or progress to that level of effectiveness. It is impossible to do it without God! Being a Power Couple has nothing to do with money, but everything to do with God...
Power Couples will raise great kids, work through issues and challenges without losing their love for each other, build great business together, challenge each other spiritually and emotionally, speak to the world on God's behalf, take walks in the park, have great conversation, make movies together, write a book together, have sex all day together, kick the kids out the house together, travel together, worship together, love and trust together, hurt together, fight for each other, stack money together, stand on top of the world together, believe the impossible together!
Author Echo Denton
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